What “Girl Dinner” Subgroup Are You?
“TikTok has been taken over by ‘girl dinner,’ which is a cultural reference favoring no-fuss snack plates instead of a full meal. But girl dinner is more than just a social media trend; it reflects a larger shift in our eating habits…”
—The Washington Post, July 21, 2023
Ghoul Dinner
You forage for ectoplasm during your nightly stroll through the neighborhood graveyard.
Spinster Dinner
The clock strikes 9pm when you realize you’ve knitted away the entire evening! You open a Costco-sized can of albacore tuna and eat it family style with your beloved felines.
Fräulein Dinner
You scream “nein!” at the little brat caught biting the edges of your gingerbread house. You lock it in a cage, and it begs “Please don’t eat me!” You inform this stupid child that you are in fact a vegetarian and leave to eat your bowl of sauerkraut in peace.
Lassie Dinner
You lay out a dinner for two of fish n’ chips n’ whiskey on your clan tartan blanket and wait for bestie Nessie to arrive.
Sheila Dinner
After winning the knife fight against a Crocodile Dundee wannabee, you snatch his jumbo shrimp and cook it on the barbie.
Virgin Dinner
Sister Agatha licks your fingertip. You ask if she’d rather skip dinner and go straight to dessert. “Amen!” she says while disrobing.
Girl Boss Dinner
At happy hour, you sustain an uncomfortable level of eye contact while gnawing Rocky Mountain oysters whenever male coworkers talk. You repeat weekly until the office demographics change to 100% women.
Gone Girl Dinner
You grab a Mountain Dew before heading outside to check the spit roast. Your ex-husband Ben Affleck is turning out perfectly brown around the edges. Mmmmm, tender!
Manic Pixie Dream Girl Dinner
Sitting alone at a roadside café, you nibble avocado toast garnished with homemade edible glitter. A truck driver sexually harasses you and you calmly blow glitter into his eyes-which blinds him permanently.
Cunt Dinner
You mind your own business while eating whatever you want. You are unbothered by other people’s expectations or perceptions of you.
Originally published at http://littleoldladycomedy.com on October 6, 2023.
