#10 The Detective from Law & Order: Criminal Intent (2001–2011) Detective Bobby Goren has a strained relationship with his mother, experiences existential crisis when identifying his biological father, and people often view him as “an acquired taste” when not outright questioning his sanity. …

The victim’s will to live certainly perished at the thought of having to drink mocktails — I hover behind two people as they stare sympathetically over a lifeless body. The deceased’s name is uttered, and I shudder. The name is my own… Medical Examiner: Case presented is a 34-year-old woman found dead on the floor of her workplace. Detective: We initially suspected foul play. Early this…

Mental Health Day = Today is Tuesday. I’ve endured enough Tuesdays — What I Said: Under The Weather What I Meant: I awoke to the sound of raindrops. I presume this to be a message from God, commanding me to slow down. I’m a human being, not a human doing! …

My core leadership value is F-U- — ‘Sup staff! For those who don’t recognize me, I’m your CEO, but please, call me Brad ‘cause “formalities” aren’t my thing. Though, being called Chief would be pretty cool, except our Diversity, Equity & Inclusion team “strongly discouraged” me from wearing my Native American headdress ever again. Which was super…

I am definitely not in need of another Old Testament bible — Salutations family, On this year’s Summer Solstice, I shall wed my esteemed colleague and best friend, Dr. Bram. She is my everything, my sun, my High Priestess! And though that pet name of mine has engendered some concerns regarding if the family is expected to call her High Priestess as…

You see, I can’t help but think about all those freaky wood and metal instruments being fingered and blown into and such. — Music, music, music. People seem to like it. Don’t get me wrong, the opening notes of a song gets me “vibing” as much as the next person. But just two notes. Two notes of a song are enough for me. Once a song progresses into a chord, the experience becomes…

What the box grater lacks in Food Network endorsements, it more than makes up for in brutish efficiency. — Dearest Foodies, I hope this Instagram tag finds you well. As my fans “The Babybels” already know, my syndicated Cheese Master column was recently phased out, but I’ve found solace from critiquing hundreds of thousands of amateur recipes. That’s where you come in! It’s #CheeseMasterClass day!

They vary widely, but mine are filled with teeth and spinal columns — Hello, Mr. Airline Supervisor. I’m calling to request a free seat upgrade for severe medical obstacles, per your company’s policy. Yes, I have my medical documents ready and will email them to you now. What exactly is an “Ovarian Teratoma”? The best way to describe it is, a parasitic fetus-like…

And I feel really weird about it — The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin is definitely not a fantasy tale about women pleasuring themselves with their left hands. And yet, for years I was told this was a feminist work of art. Norwegian Wood by Haruki Murakami is technically about sexual relations, but in…