#10 The Detective from Law & Order: Criminal Intent (2001–2011) Detective Bobby Goren has a strained relationship with his mother, experiences existential crisis when identifying his biological father, and people often view him as “an acquired taste” when not outright questioning his sanity. …

I accept that I’m responsible for my actions, but am I also responsible for Little Asshole’s actions? — DEAR ABBY: Last night my husband “forgot” to wash the dishes. Normally I would bite my tongue and wash the dishes for him, but this time I confronted him. One minute I’m listening to his excuses, next minute dishes are hurled at his face while an enraged child’s voice screams, “You’re not…

From the Bible we know that Man created the first comedy, for the Bible tells us so. — Stand-Up (estimated early 4000 BC Garden, Eden) From the Bible we know that Man created the first comedy, for the Bible tells us so: “Adam, the First Man, stood in front of Eve, the First but not last ̶V̶i̶c̶t̶i̶m̶ Fan. He told a Story for which She did not Understand…

Don’t worry, I used to be a regular, unpopular person just like you! — I used to be one of those ordinary, un-viral people who’d scroll through Twitter and groan, “Ugh, only two people liked my Tweet!” But that was in the Before Times—before I went viral on Twitter. Some people call it yesterday, but I really can’t be bogged down with mundane things…

Your literary crush. (Be honest!) Number of rejections your latest work received before being published. Note: Zero is not an acceptable answer. Fantasy Writing Group time! Living or dead, name three writers for your ideal cohort. …

Demonic Possession remains the most common method of expressing anger for women. — Passive-Assertive: Often bizarre and graphically sexual. Subject is able to express feelings openly, though this is accomplished only by means of sleep-induced mumblings. Assertive-Aggressive: Announces confidently their unhinged diatribe will begin in exactly twelve minutes. Use of props is common. …

After discovering that twelve chips amount to one serving, curse the FDA. — Step 1: Find out how many chips constitute one serving by reading the nutrition facts label. Step 2: After discovering that twelve chips amount to one serving, curse the FDA. Step 3: Channel your Doritos-related despondency by frantically waving your fists in the air for ten minutes. Note: Calories burned…

At the onset of each workday, sigh Britishly. — You get wind that coworkers experience you as both standoffish and unproductive. Fortunately, as a lover of BBC period dramas, you instinctively know these qualities are actually celebrated in a particular segment of the population. So, to offset accusations of poor performance, you do the obvious thing — adopt a…

Oh, the plight of persons who were born in the winter months! For holiday and birthday gifts are selected with such swiftness… — Greetings and Happy New Year family, My deepest gratitude to you all for the improvement, however slight, in gift selection that I experienced at our recent Yuletide gathering. Since one of my many Doctorate specialties is Ancient Roman Civilization, I can appreciate that change may take longer than a day…